This Will Get Really Interesting Really Fast

Let’s not make this more profound than it needs to be.

Last week, after years of dying a slow agonizing death of trying to fit into the world’s idea of who I am, I made a decision. 

In ten weeks, I will log off of that computer, swipe that badge, and walk out that door for the last time as a full-time slave employee. I keep waiting for the crashing weight of OMGEEWHATDIDIJUSTDO to take me over, but I’m currently drowning in an ocean of freedom. 

I have struggled with who I am (because if you’ve met me you know I almost never fit in to any box, any frame of thinking, any way of doing). I was made weird and I’m choosing to embrace that my weird doesn’t fit typical daily operations of 95% of the country. I mean you get a job, you get benefits,  you pay bills, you sleep, you eat, and then maybe you can retire on your non-existent social security when you’re too old to enjoy it. 

The thought of this is a personal prison for me; has been for years. But still there was a fear that I was being disobedient to the way if I wanted something different. Because who am I really? 

Just a girl. Knit together on purpose, for a purpose. By a creative God who thinks way bigger than the US Department of Labor. 

Still I struggled. I wrestled this suffocating fear. But at some point, the fear of going was crushed by the terrifying paralysis of staying. Listen, if you poke around here enough you know I have an interesting relationship with God. But, I can’t say “God told me to leave my job…” I’d feel much better about myself if that’s how this went down.

But it isn’t.

And frankly, this is probably THE ACTUAL EXACT OPPOSITE thing that anyone would ever advise me to do. I fully admit I look as crazy as I sound.

And I probably don’t have enough money saved.

And I still have obligations (student loans, car, etc) that I have to pay.

And I have ideas, but I’m just a girl.

And I don’t have a husband.

And I don’t have a plan.

But I do have a Jesus.

…and health insurance because the ACA won’t let me be great…

So let’s walk this crazy road where the only lamp I have is at my feet and I can’t see where I’m going and my bills have due dates and I have no current way to generate income to pay them. 

This will get really interesting…really fast.